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Anxiety Dreams

When I was young I had a recurring dream/nightmare. In the dream I would go swimming and when I tried to surface I would find that I was trapped under the water. I would wake with my heart pounding and breathing fast. As I got older the dream happened with less frequency but proved to have some lingering effects. To this day I can't deal with being held under water. Just the other day day I was swimming with my son and he was trying to push me under the water and I had a mini-freak out. I put the kibosh on that game from now until forever.

These days I recognize that dream for what it was - an anxiety dream. The reason I stopped having the dream wasn't because I stopped experiencing anxiety (quite the opposite in fact). The dream hasn't stopped, it has just changed into different anxiety-inducing experiences, ones more apropos to my present-day life.


Since becoming an adult the  anxiety dream I've had most frequently is one that I've found is very common among my friends. In the dream I am back in school as a student, sometimes it's high school and sometimes college.  I have to go to class and one of two things happen: (1) I can't find the class/room, I can't find my schedule with the room printed on it and I find myself wandering around the school worrying about missing the class or (2) I am sitting in class and I haven't been there all semester. I'm worried because I don't know what's going on and I am going to fail the class or fail the coming test. Pretty standard stuff. But, since becoming a teacher, that dream has morphed into me being a teacher and not the student.  I'm wandering around the building not able to find the class I am supposed to be teaching. Often in the dream, for some reason, I am back at my previous school and everything is different than how I remember. There are new classrooms, and I can't find any of the classes I have to teach. I've lost my schedule, I can't find the room and I am worried about the class being alone because I am so late. This has never actually happened to me but my subconscious finds it worrying enough that I repeatedly dream about it happening.

Then there is the other anxiety dream - the one I have year after year, especially as a new school year is about to begin.  This dream reflects some of my real teaching experiences.  I am standing in front of class and no matter what I do, the they won't listen. The class is usually made up of a mix of kids I've taught from three schools, three boroughs and seventeen years. I try every trick in the book and they just won't listen. As the years have ticked by and I have become a better teacher, that particular dream occurs with much less frequency. But it still rears it's anxiety-inducing head every now and again. And it still freaks me out because I've been in that situation. Early in my career (and once a later on with a particularly difficult class) I had a rough time with classroom management and I tried every trick I could find. Eventually, with time, classroom management has become something I handle quite well but the dream returns nonetheless. And now, in these Covid times, the dream has taken on a new dimension - not only will the kids not listen, they also won't wear their masks. The idea of being in a room with thirty eleven-year-olds that won't listen and also won't wear their masks truly is a nightmare.

As the new school year approaches, the anxiety dreams have returned. Covid tinged and leaving my heart racing, they sneak into my peaceful slumber. But you know what anxiety dreams? I GOT THIS. BRING ON THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR!!!! Teachers, if you are just starting back to work after a (hopefully) relaxing summer, and your anxiety is kicking into high gear, remember two things:

1. YOU GOT THIS!!!!

2. You are not alone! We are all in this together!! We got this. Lean on your community, take time for you if and when you can.  You rock at this teaching things and the anxiety dreams have no power over you!!

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